dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just googled if crying burns calories
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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