then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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