careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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