when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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