Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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