He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
