did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
there is puke in my bra ... again
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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