he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
