Your face is a jimmy john
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
