bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
