Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
