Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
