I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
