so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
