If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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