We named our party play list daddy issues
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
