Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize