I met the friendliest cop last night
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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