I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
