goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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