did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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