I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he puts the penis in happiness.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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