I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
