she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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