I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just high enough for therapy.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
