Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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