I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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