hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
