Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
