Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
