I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
