fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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