Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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