she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
