saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
