With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
