when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
