i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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