I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
