I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I deserve this hangover.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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