dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
