I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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