omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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