I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
