I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
