Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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