Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
