At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
