I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
