I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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