Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
