I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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