even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
