Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
