I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
