I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize