So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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