Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
