My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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