I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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