why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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