i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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