You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
