i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
