Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
