What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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