oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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