I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
