you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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