i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
