My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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